Stop Pissing Me Off! by Lynne Eisaguirre

Author:Lynne Eisaguirre
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: epub, ebook
Publisher: F+W Media, Inc.
Published: 2007-06-12T16:00:00+00:00

Conflict Avoiders (CAs)

When I speak about different conflict styles, my audiences frequently ask me which style causes the most woe in any workplace. Given the more nefarious types of bosses, they're surprised when I single out conflict avoiders.

One of my first consulting projects was with a CEO of a high-tech medical equipment company. Randy was a friendly, polished, experienced corporate games player, who had worked his way up the ranks of a large manufacturing company, and then been tapped for the top job at a company we'll call Med Mechanics. Randy brought me in to work with a conflict in his executive team. Their snapping and snarling at each other had driven him to distraction. Individually, they were a talented and workable lot, but as a group, they bickered incessantly.

After individual interviews with each team player, I surfaced a disturbing question: How could such a nice guy like Randy work with so many snakes?

The answer, of course, was that Randy was the problem. He avoided conflict, ducking decisions and assigning roles in a hazy manner so that no one would be annoyed with him. His executive team expressed the conflicts he habitually avoided.

The solution? I used what I call the “beyond” trick. Groups stuck in habitual conflict frequently fuss and fume about things over which they have no control: assignments, resource constraints, or authority. I had the group sit down and work together (therapeutic in itself) to compile three lists: 1) the conflicts they'd historically harbored, things that no longer were relevant but that they still simmered about; 2) current “hot” issues; 3) “beyond issues”: issues they bickered about but over which they had no control. Not surprisingly, the biggest list was the “beyond” issues. I marched into Randy's office with the three lists. “The group worked hard!” I crowed. “But you know, it's the darnedest thing, the biggest list of problems are those over which they have no control. These are all decisions that you have to make. I think it's so useful that they identified them for you. Now we can decide what to do about these things.”

No dummy, Randy saw the handwriting on the wall and we set to work. Over several similar sessions and my gentle coaching, Randy eventually realized that confront issues he must, or he would suffer the continual mutiny of his troops.

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